The sign that you see is prominently displayed above every urinal in Walmart’s men’s room. Regardless of stature it is inescapable, and when you have to piss like a Russian racehorse, as I did, there’s nothing else to do but read it as you drain your bladder. Having attended a Catholic School as a child, where it was mandatory to read 5 books every quarter no matter how boring, you develop the ability to read quickly so it didn’t take any time at all to get through the sign. Still draining, I began to analyze its content, which comes with being forced to read 5 books per quarter.

It would appear, from reading the first sentence, that Walmart is able to sell at low prices and provide effective (highly questionable) customer service because they apprehend shoplifters.

Next, they remind you that shoplifting is a crime, and not a joke, with lasting consequences.

In the last sentence they reinforce that shoplifters will be apprehend, and ask that you not risk it.

So, aren’t they asking you not to engage in precisely the practice that allows them to bring you lower prices and better customer service? I see a huge contradiction here, or a low budget command of the English language!

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