DRESS BRITISH AND THINK YIDDISH

Folks, it’s Friday and time for our weekly shoot-the-shit. Readers unfamiliar with a shoot-the-shit don’t need to feel intimidated. A shoot-the-shit is a gathering of people that sit down with a beer and just shoot-the-shit. You don’t need to know anything about the subject being discussed, you can use profanity, insult anyone you wish or change the subject altogether at any time. A shoot-the-shit is what a therapist would charge you $300 an hour for; with far less efficacy. So this week, we’d like to talk to you about dressing British.

Like most Americans, I spent a large part of the week watching the RNC in Cleveland; it was during this period that I noticed a glaring problem. Nothing solidifies a cretin image of you more quickly than wearing a striped shirt with a stripped neck tie and a pinstripe suit. Several weeks ago, we took you through understanding the formal dinner table arrangement and today we’re going to discuss dressing for success.

Nothing screams imbecile more loudly than wearing a dark colored suit with pants hemmed so short that they reveal you socks, with light brown shoes; especially if those shoes curl at the toes. This ruthless violation of the optical sensory system is further aggravated by the fact he was wearing a black belt.

Before getting into specific suggestions let’s cover a small but often overlooked technical detail –  proper hemming of trousers!

The picture on the left illustrates proper hemming of the trouser. The front crease is called the break. Some men prefer a more aggressive break than other; however, under no circumstances should you look down at your feet and see shoe laces. I personally prefer a slight break. Proper hemming also requires that the pant material fall straight along the back of the leg terminating in a length that covers the back of the shoe but reveals the heel. Many low brow so called tailors will cut the hem straight across; this is unacceptable for dress trousers and should be reserved only for pants that will be worn with combat boots.

The last technical tip is the appropriate suit jacket length. Your jacket should be long enough so that with your relaxed arms at your side you can cuff the jacket with your hand. Notice the jacket length in the picture on the right. This is precisely correct lengths for both the jacket and the sleeve.

Let’s talk about the suit itself. A suit should call attention to you and not itself. The last thing you want to look like is a torpedo for a Newark mob boss. Dark suites should be worn with black accessories for example belt and shoes. Light suits need to be selected carefully for example a light tan summer suit with brown belt and brown loafers communicates that you’re not an impostor or charlatan.  Pinstripes should be discrete and thin, remember you’re not trying for camouflage. Pinstripes can be tastefully employed to add spectral height, they also have a thinning effect on more corpulent men. Pinstripes like the ones in the picture on the left are guaranteed to have you expelled from any reputable establishment.

Lastly, never wear a stripped shirt with a pinstripe suit unless you have LGBTQ stage hands to coordinate the necktie and overall visual spectacle. If you are wearing a pinstripe suit, a starched white shirt is unsurpassed for elegance, or even a shirt that matches the color of those very discrete pinstripes. If you are wearing a plain suit, you have greater latitude in your shirt selection but avoid indicators like mixing stripped shirts with stripped neckties. My personal preference is to use a solid color necktie that picks up some of the tone in the shirt and contrasts well with your suit. Neckties should never be loud they should contrast and help you to stand out.

We hope you’ve enjoyed our weekly shoot-the-shit topic. As with all shoot-the-shits, you are free to make unsupported comments, use uncensored profanity, insult who you wish or change the subject altogether. Have a great weekend be safe be vigilant and enjoy quality time with your buds and family!

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