We’ve made it through another week, but I’m not going to ask if you’ve had a nice week so as to not provoke a desire to book a session with a therapist; however, I will tell you in a less than delicate manner that it’s been huge cluster fuck.
When it’s not COVID and the facemask extravaganza, we find ourselves in a “a la 70s” gasoline shortage because some moron clicked on a link or visited a website with his’ or hers’s work PC and picked up malware. These perpetrators do not attack routers, gateways or firewalls, state actors do that; instead, they attack the individual implanting keyboard loggers and other forms of malware which then spread across the enterprise network.
If after my less than tactful introduction you still feel you need to see a psychologist, keep in mind that the majority of therapists are jackasses who majored in psychology so they could understand themselves and could not make it through calculus or organic chemistry, and for sure couldn’t pass the Medical College Admissions Test (a.k.a. MCAT). The $150 per hour that you’re going to spend can best be directed to putting on a great shoot the shit. What’s a shoot the shit?
A shoot the shit is a social interaction during which any topic is open for discussion. Participants don’t need to know anything about the subject, are free to make unsupported comments, use uncensured profanity, insult anyone they wish or change the subject altogether. So, let’s get this shoot the shit started!
Those of you familiar with the Hippie movement know that it was an era of social revolution. People believed in free love, communing with mother earth and yes, drugs. If you’ve spent time in the Height – Ashbury district of San Francisco you were able to observe or participate in that spirit. You could hear the music of Ravi Shankar, Jimmy Hendrix, Janice Joplin and others playing from apartments, stores and restaurants. The Height-Ashbury is the area near the University of California School of Medicine and is defined by the intersection of Height and Ashbury Streets. It’s a colorful place even today.
At the Height it was not uncommon to see women who favored a more natural look, but as earthy as this look may seem, it does present a significant hygiene challenge; imagine what this photo is not revealing. Is this an expression of a desire to be natural and commune with mother earth or is she afflicted with Hirsutism?
Hirsutism, is excessive female hair growth on unexpected areas of the body, such as on the face, chest, and back. It also manifests itself in a large accumulation of thick stiff hair in the pudendum and emanating from the intergluteal cleft.
Hirsutism can result from an excess of androgens and may occur with certain medical conditions. It may also be inherited. Hirsutism results in excessive amounts of stiff and pigmented hair on body areas where men typically grow hair, including the face, chest, and back. Hirsutism is treatable with medications and hair can also be removed with electrolysis or laser therapy.
Whether by design or affliction it’s quite likely she has never experienced workplace harassment.
I neglected to mention that this female “en naturel” way of life was also prevalent in Europe and a number of Central and South American countries. Unfortunately it was usually associated with poor hygiene resulting in a particularly offensive permeating aroma and violating the olfactory senses .
Moving along…
I feel that social decorum is lacking in our society, so in older shoot the shits I’ve included topics like proper use of silverware, and not inhaling cigar smoke or be exposed as a charlatán and impostor, all of my tips are important in communicating that you are upper crust. So, in this shoot the shit, I will introduce you to the Baccarat card game, one of the oldest and most selective card games in human history.
Baccarat origins are still up for debate; however, the intelligentsia believes this card game was created in Italy, in the 1400s, by a man named Felix Falguiere or Falguierein. He called the game “baccara,” Italian for “zero,” because all the tens and face cards were worth zero. There are a couple of variants, but by far the most influential is Chemin de Fer. The game is very upscale, A number of years ago, I was at a table where two individuals affiliated with the Mexican oil company were making $30,000 bets a hand.
Only three bets can be made in Baccarat: bank, player and/or tie. If you bet on the bank and win, you pay the house a commission of 5%. If you bet on the player and win, you get even money and if you bet on a tie, and the bank and player tie, you’ll see a 9:1 return.
You can bet on the bank and a tie, a tie only or on the player and tie. Betting on the bank has the highest probability of winning, which is why the house charges you a 5% commission. The game of Baccarat has the lowest probability in favor of the house which is why many of the Vegas Baccarat games have all kinds of spins.
In Baccarat, 10s and face cards are worth zero, so this hand is a 9. In Black Jack you’d have a 19 not in Baccarat.
Here A = 9 B=5 and C=3 (not 23) “A” is the winning hand. Unlike black jack, a baccarat has no bust.
If either hand, Player or Banker, totals 8 or 9, both hands automatically stand. The hand closest to a value of 9 wins (except on a
Tie).
If the Player’s hand totals 6 or 7, the Player’s hand will stand (take no more cards). When the Player stands, the Banker’s Hand must
take one more card if the Banker’s total is 5 or below, and must stand if the total is 6 or above.
If the Player’s Hand totals 5 or below, a third card is dealt to the Player’s hand. When the Player hits, the Banker’s Hand must abide
by the following set of rules:
| Banker Hand |
Player’s 3rd Card |
Banker Must |
| 0, 1 or 2 | Any | Draw a 3rd card |
| 3 | 0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7 or 9 |
Draw a 3rd card |
| 4 | 2,3,4,5,6 or 7 |
Draw a 3rd card |
| 5 | 4,5,6 or 7 | Draw a 3rd card |
| 6 | 6 or 7 | Draw a 3rd card |
| 7 | Any | Stand |
| 8 | Any | Stand |
| 9 | Any | Stand |
Baccarat – Pay Outs
Bet on Player: Pays 1-to-1
Bet on Banker: Pays
1-to-1, minus 5% commission
Bet on Tie: Pays 9-to-1
A croupier (dealer) runs the game and in the more formal games played in large oval tables a pallet is used to handle the cards. Unlike Black Jack players aren’t dealt cards. In baccarat, the dealer draws cards for both player and bank
You may hear of a “natural” in Baccarat, this is a two-card total of 8 or 9. The picture above would be called as a natural 9
There are a number of systems used to play Baccarat. Systems are used to help you recognize a streak or capitalize when hands are going back and forth between bank and player.
Player behavior is important in communicating your social status, when you’re betting simply hesitate as you dip your head and look up with your eyes. Make your bank bet by softly saying “banco” while your head is dipped and your eyes looking at the croupier.
Have a great weekend! Schedule your own shoot the shit with your buds or family you’ll be glad you did!
FOG HORN 